You Are the Body Goal: Learning to Love Yourself Before You Reach It
How’s your summer body loading? Before you answer that, I need you to read this first.
Social media has become the one-stop shop for comparison all day, every day. A few years ago, when I opened Instagram, my eyes were immediately drawn to what I told myself were great #BodyGoals as I started working out again. I convinced myself it was motivation. But simultaneously, my mind was cataloguing everything that was wrong with me.
Some of those goals were bodybuilders. Some were women with barely any effort who just happened to photograph beautifully. And there I was, scrolling, comparing, and shrinking.
If you've ever put your phone down feeling worse about yourself than when you picked it up this is for you.
The real key nobody talks about
Here's what I had to learn the hard way: the biggest key to reaching your physical goals is loving yourself first. Not after. Not once you hit the number on the scale. Now.
Your goals might be losing weight, toning your body, or simply feeling stronger and more energized. But here's the truth: you will not reach them if you don't love who you are in the process. You can lose all the weight in the world, but if you never learned to love yourself along the way, it will mean nothing. The weight comes back faster than you lost it because nothing internal ever changed.
As a result, my weight would go up and down. No matter how good people told me I looked, I felt it wasn't good enough because I didn't have the ab muscles or the leg definition I wanted. And then my body would get bloated… because you know, female hormones… and in frustration I stopped caring about my workouts and my food choices altogether. I was angry I didn't look like the trainers and IG models I followed with their perfect poses and perfect lighting.
But, your body is not like anybody else's. My 190 pounds doesn't look like someone else's 190. And that's okay. I didn't know that back then. In some ways, I'm still working on it.
Why do you work out?
If your honest answer to working out is to look a certain way I want to gently invite you to go a little deeper.
You should be working out because you want to be healthy. Because you want to be the best version of who you were created to be. Not for anyone else and definitely not for anyone's attention. Looking great in a swimsuit this summer? That's a bonus but not the point.
The real reward is loving yourself enough to work out again when it hurts.
The real benefit is choosing to say yes to yourself when everything in you wants to say no.
The real triumph is when your story inspires someone else to start.
When I stopped obsessing over what I looked like and started telling myself I was beautiful even on the days I didn't feel it I started making real physical progress. I started making better choices overall because I loved myself better. It's like genuinely loving someone: you naturally make choices that benefit them because the motivation is love, not pressure. Not punishment. Not shame. I still eat the cake, but I know how to give my body balance at the same time along with the grace it needs.
I still have days where I catch myself critiquing what I see in the mirror. But now I’m more aware to stop and choose appreciation instead.
So, sis hear me on this:
Love yourself right now. Love yourself in the process. Love yourself when it hurts. Love yourself when you want to give up. Love yourself when you make a mistake. Love yourself when you have to get back up again. Love yourself when the cellulite is still there. Love yourself when your stomach pooches out over the top of your pants a little. And most importantly love yourself just the same when you finally hit your goal.
Your physical health matters. But the way you think and speak about your body affects it more than any workout plan ever will. Stop the comparison to what you see on a screen and turn that energy toward the woman looking back at you in the mirror.
From now on, every time you catch yourself scrolling and comparing I dare you to say out loud: I am just as beautiful, and then some.
Say it until you believe it. There is no one else out there like you.
Your body deserves to be appreciated by the person wearing it every day.
If this resonated with you, I write about healing, identity, and learning to live fully every week in my newsletter From the Heart. Join the Rewritten Hearts community and get reflections like this one straight to your inbox.